marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
