I need help removing her.
I just saw a hot homeless man
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize