I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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