Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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