don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
