I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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