We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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