the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
