I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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