drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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