I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
