I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
