the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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