even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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