im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
