Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
