Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
