Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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