it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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