Nicole vs. Life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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