i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize