I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
