She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
