I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize