ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wear drunk well.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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