Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my poor anus
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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