Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
