I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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