I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
