Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just shotgunned beers for America
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
