sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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