I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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