im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
