dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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