Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
