I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how does that bad decision feel?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize