she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
