24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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