i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
