Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
