I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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