You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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