I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize