There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
