I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
