Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
