Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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