No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
