are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
