just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
