Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize