So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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