at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
