You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
