Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
