I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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