I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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