if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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