okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
