I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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