you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
