I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
