I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
