Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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