but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
