mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
