just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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