Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
