she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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