i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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