apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
