I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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