The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
