babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
