There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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