38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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