my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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