she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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