the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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