some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
