she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I party with great urgency now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
