There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
