he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
