you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
